Friday, September 30, 2011

so i drift through these days of appointments and promises made,
they will all end up broken and quickly replaced.
weeks are slow, days drag on; even practice and parties seem long
but i found myself going. i guess there's nothing to do
oh well

there's this boredom that drowns everything.
bottles break, music plays, conversations competing for space
i can't breath with these words in my mouth, but i'm not going to say them
yeah, i've made that mistake before.
on the stairs, she grabs my arm, says whats up,
where you been, is something wrong? i try to just smile,
and say everything's fine.
"All art is at once surface and symbol. Those who go beneath the surface do so at their peril. Those who read the symbol do so at their peril."

Thursday, September 29, 2011

There's nothing here that you'll miss
I can guarantee you this is a cloud of smoke
Trying to occupy space
What a fucking joke
What a fucking joke

I waited for a bus to separate the both of us
And take me off, far away from you
Cause my feelings never change a bit
I always feel like shit
I don't know why, I guess that I just do

Thursday, September 08, 2011

It's horrible
Everything's functional, emotions and cognition are just tricks to make us complete tasks
It's all just biology and sex-drive and narcissism
We're animals

Nothing is real
it's not a good thing, thinking the depression is getting better. that's not recovering. it's just a little part of the big mess i am. it's good when it's there, it protects me a little from the other bullshit. it keeps me from wanting to live, without it i'm here, stuck with this fucking hope again, trying to live and ruining even more of me with it. making the situation worse. i don't want to want to live because it's not something that i can have, and i want to stop this urge, it's so much worse than the numbness.