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Friday, December 31, 2010

When there's nothing left to burn you'll have to set yourself on fire.
"My stomach churns over really stupid stuff. Things that shouldn’t make you anxious whatsoever. It’s crazy how your mind will become this database to make you worry about things that are so arbitrary. I have a well-organized life, and I’ve put a lot of thought into the things that I do, and then, you know, my stomach will be … I’ll just be sitting there, totally anxious about something ridiculous."
I'm nothing more than a prototype. I am depression. That's my whole identity. Self-centered as fuck.

Thursday, December 30, 2010

"All mentioned having cut themselves off from people.. They know that to grow requires social reconnection, and they are afraid of the changes this would involve."
and you’re holding your breath for the rest of your life
"I’m figuring, if I can just become poor white trash, if I can just get in touch with the blue collar blues, then there’ll be a reason why I feel this way. I will be a fucked-up Marxian worker person, alienated from the fruits of my labor. My misery will begin to make sense.
That is all I want in life: for this pain to seem purposeful."
I'm thinking of quitting drinking again, I know i said that a couple of times, and I'm always changing my mind, well, i guess i am. But there's this burn in my stomach and theres this pain in my side, and when I kneel at the toilet and the mornings clean light pours in through the window, sometimes I pray I don't die. I'm a goddamn hypocrite.

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

and lie to me and say,
it’s gonna be alright,
it’s gonna be alright,
yeah, you worry too much kid,
it’s gonna be alright.
And it only feels worse when I stay in one place
So I’m always pacing around or walking away
"and you are just stabbing the earth again and again, as if you want to kill it for continuing to spin, as if you are getting revenge for having to live on this planet day after day, alone."
so try to be somebody
so try to feel somebody
so try to leave somebody
so hard to be somebody
"her heartbeat was in her hands, her heart beat the way she moved her head, her whole body was her heart beating"

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

So I stand in the sun and I breathe with my lungs, trying to spare myself the weight of the truth. Saying everything you’ve ever seen was just a mirror, and you’ve spent your whole life sweating in an endless fever, and now you’re laying in a bathtub full of freezing water, wishing you were a ghost.
i found a liquid cure from my landlocked blues
"how tired I am of stories, how tired I am of phrases that come down beautifully with all their feet on the ground… I begin to long for some little language such as lovers use, broken words, inarticulate words, like the shuffling of feet on the pavement"
it was like launching your own diary to music
And I give myself three days to feel better
or else I swear I’ll drive right off a fucking cliff.
Cause if I can’t learn to make myself feel better,
how can I expect anyone else to give a shit?
Hiding in my room, safe within my womb,
I touch no one and no one touches me.
I am a rock,
I am an island.
And a rock feels no pain;
And an island never cries.